Even though the days are mine to fill as I wish I seem to be chasing my tail.
Yes it has been so hot that I am inside by 9.30, and go out around 8 in the evening, but that is not the reason.
It's because I am impatient. When I want to do something I want to do it now, or even sooner.
Life doesn't work like that, you have to plan and fit in with other people, other ideas, other tasks.
For instance I wanted to spend more time in the garden yesterday morning but the dogs wanted to walk. They don't need a walk but they love the first walk together. I downed tools and off we went. I enjoyed every step of it, the surroundings, the noises (no traffic sounds thank goodness) of insects busying and birds singing. Even the panting and snufflings of the dogs as they explored the undergrowth was music to my ears.
When we returned home I had another 30 minutes and it was too hot to stay out. I managed the jobs on my list and I took time to take stock of the plants. There is a great deal of future food in there, and a fair bit of present food in the form of salads.
I am fortunate to have my garden, I do miss the large space that I had in Tydd but would not be able to manage it now. I was beginning to struggle and that was partly why I left.
I have wandered, I love to be busy. My Granny said that I was born in a hurry and have been hurrying ever since. I try to slow down. Sometimes I am so successful that I grind to a halt, then I knit or read or sew, anything to keep my hands and/or mind busy.
Still there is not enough time to do everything.
Rubbish, there is plenty of time, I just move slower than I used to. I take little rest breaks. I catch my breath. I get distracted and enjoy the distraction whilst it lasts. How many things would I miss if I pushed them away till later, of course when it's later it's too late and you've missed it.
One thing that I know for certain is that I intend to get the most out of each day and take time to enjoy it, rather than rushing and missing things. I will, hopefully, manage to slow down and revel in the slowness, every second counts and I do not want to travel so fast that I only see the hours.
I feel that this is full of mixed metaphores and jumbled thoughts, my mind still wants to be busy, it has to learn to take it easy too.
Time rushes by on winged feet, mmm, and as you get older the days pass faster, mmm. Maybe. I want my days to pass with as much in them as is comfortable. I need to prioritise. If I want to spend an hour watching the bees bumbling round my flowers then I will not repine over something else that I could be doing. I will enjoy that hour, soak it up and hopefully recall it in the dark days and smell the garden and feel the sun again.
Today my grocery delivery comes and I will take pleasure in packing it away and count my blessings. Not whinge and whine because I want to go and do my own shopping. I will send a mental hug to the hero that picked my shopping, I will give heartfelt thanks to the delivery driver, another hero, and I will thank my lucky stars that I set this in place a few months ago.
The time that I save from doing it myself is a bonus and I do not waste it. I sit and watch the red kites performing over my valley, I watch the solitary bees that took residence in my bug hotel and I slow time down and in turn slow myself down.
Mind you I have to work at it otherwise I find that I am rushing around like a headless chicken doing everything and seeing nothing.
I am awake at stupid o'clock. I am not in the slightest bit sleepy. I did the little bit of ironing in the hope that it would send me scuttling back to bed.
I enjoyed taking my time and getting the task, albeit small, done and dusted.
Herbie is on the sofa, nestled in to a pile of cushions, making little snuffly snorty noises.
I have the door open to let in the coolish night air.
I am happy being me exactly where I am.
It cannot get much better than this.
Take time out.