First of all I want to thank every one who left me hugs and kisses and well wishes yesterday.
I was glad to go to work last night and though it was manic i did a lot of thinking, and a fair bit of sweating!
I am strong, in 2004 in the space of 12 weeks I had three deaths to deal with.My son, my only child, then my Father and then my Mother. I had to cope, sink or swim. I decided to swim.
Francesca's mother died when she was a school age teenager and her life then went into free fall, that is when Michael found solace in the bottle.
I knew this and we talked through it thoroughly, there would be no spirits in the house. A moderate amount of wine and beer/lager I do use it to cook with after all.
It is not the fact that he had vodka so much as the fact that he tried to hide it from me. I do not like deceit in any shape or form.
My mind has crashed and rumbled through all this and one fact floated to the surface.
I can not do anything to hurt Francesca, I love her as my own, and she is vulnerable and full of self doubt. She lost her mother at one of the most difficult times of her life and missed out on much of what makes family life bearable. I have done my utmost to give her the stability that she needs over the past 4 years.
If I make Michael leave she will feel honour bound to go with him and that would mean moving further away from London and her work, making her life extremely difficult.All I can do at this point is make changes to our living arrangements and these have started already.
I will monitor the situation closely and if I feel drastic steps have to be taken then I will do so.
Reasons to be grateful
1. Owning MY home.
2. The strength inherited from my Granny.
3. The closeness of the Blogging community.
4. Ben and Bertie's unquestioning devotion.
5. Being alive.
Now a bit if begging, after a fashion, I want to do some American foundation paper pieced blocks using scraps. i have plenty of scraps but they are all familiar and truth be told bit boring. i need to inject some new scrappyness into my life...................so if anyone has a scrap pile they would like to shrink I will buy. As long as it is 100% cotton, or vintage sheets I am happy to take it on board, just leave a comment or email me.
I picked up this idea from Bonnie Hunter, I follow her blog, she was live on "quilt cam" doing this and it is so simple and effective, I must have a go. TTFN Pam