Monday 24 June 2013

More Crashing and some Rumbling

First of all I want to thank every one who left me hugs and kisses and well wishes yesterday.

I was glad to go to work last night and though it was manic i did a lot of thinking, and a fair bit of sweating!

I am strong, in 2004 in the space of 12 weeks I had three deaths to deal with.My son, my only child, then my Father and then my Mother. I had to cope, sink or swim. I decided to swim.

Francesca's mother died when she was a school age teenager and her life then went into free fall, that is when Michael found solace in the bottle.
I knew this and we talked through it thoroughly, there would be no spirits in the house. A moderate amount of wine and beer/lager I do use it to cook with after all.
It is not the fact that he had vodka so much as the fact that he tried to hide it from me. I do not like deceit in any shape or form.

My mind has crashed and rumbled through all this and one fact floated to the surface.

I can not do anything to hurt Francesca, I love her as my own, and she is vulnerable and full of self doubt. She lost her mother at one of the most difficult times of her life and missed out on much of what makes family life bearable. I have done my utmost to give her the stability that she needs over the past 4 years.

If I make Michael leave she will feel honour bound to go with him and that would mean moving further away from London and her work, making her life extremely difficult.All I can do at this point is make changes to our living arrangements and these have started already.

I will monitor the situation closely and if I feel drastic steps have to be taken then I will do so.

Reasons to be grateful

1. Owning MY home.

2. The strength inherited from my Granny.

3. The closeness of the Blogging community.

4. Ben and Bertie's unquestioning devotion.

5. Being alive.

Now a bit if begging, after a fashion,  I want to do some American foundation paper pieced blocks using scraps. i have plenty of scraps but they are all familiar and truth be told  bit boring. i need to inject some new scrappyness into my if anyone has a scrap pile they would like to shrink I will buy. As long as it is 100% cotton, or vintage sheets I am happy to take it on board, just leave a comment or email me.
I picked up this idea from Bonnie Hunter, I follow her blog, she was live on "quilt cam" doing this and it is so simple and effective, I must have a go.     TTFN     Pam


  1. OK girl, where do I send them?

    You are fantastic!

  2. I've tried to use the email link on your profile page but it won't oblige so I'll keep trying tomorrow

  3. Glad you're feeling a little better - take care xxx

    1. One day at a time and the world can be won. Thank you Trudie. Pam

  4. So glad you have managed to get some kind of perspective on the situation, Pam. It was quite heart-searing reading about your losses, how terribly terribly sad, what courage you have to pick yourself up and carry on. Your care for Francesca is a shining beacon, she is very vulnerable and you are being a tower of strength for her. I hope you can find some way to establish something that works for you and Michael. God, relationships, eh?

    Offer remains, Lxx

  5. Upwards and onwards, it is the only way for me. How about a coffee or tea in Lynn next time you swoop on Mr S. and then you can tell all about the Mollies ( did I spell that correctly?) And what about that workshop, is it any nearer. Pam x

  6. I dont know what to say- you are fabulous and kind and I wich you godspeed xx

  7. Replies
    1. Wich, wish, witch, a rose is a rose by any other name. Or something along those lines. Life is made up of big steps and little ones, I just need to be careful to choose the right one at the right time.
      I am in a good place, I own my own home, I have enough money to live a comfortable life and I have a network of friends, and if all else fails I can pack up and ship out to Oz and pay a long visit to my baby brother. My SIL is all for it and my nephews would love it.

  8. so sorry for what life is throwing at you at the moment. I hope you will find the strength you need when you need it

  9. Kim, I am dealing with this, rest assured that I am strong. Pam x


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