To socialise more, that is.
I am happy to stop and chat to anyone that I bump into while dog walking, it does not faze me at all. Planning to go and visit though is a whole new kettle of fish.
I did all the things that were on my list this morning, gave Herbie an extra walk out before starting on the gardening and then it all went South.
I set off to visit someone and just over half way there my steps were dragging, I have seen babies crawl faster, I threw in the towel and turned back.
I did not have a panic attack, no wobbly legs, just a solid feeling that I could not do this. Me, who loves nothing more than a good mardle.
I could only think of all the things that I would rather be doing, lovely things like clearing the gutters of fallen leaves.
Perhaps I should not have turned back, maybe I should have "pulled myself together" and pushed onward.
I didn't and have made a cuppa and come to visit all of you instead.
I have been busy pottering about and my time here, both writing and reading has been the thing to suffer. I enjoy reading through my blog list and often dip into other peoples lists as well. I have found some new people to read like that.
I will be meeting new people next week when I go out on Tuesday. Perhaps the fact that they will be completely new is the reason that it does not bother me. They will have no expectations for me to aspire to live up to.
Before anyone gets exasperated I know that some of that is utter rubbish, but I can still know it and think it at the same time.
We do judge others, some of us for some of the time. We judge by appearance, hair, make up, clothes and we judge by our own standards. We may not admit it but that is the only yardstick that we can really use.
Dolly Parton has said, so many times, that she always wanted to look like "trailer trash". She may do but in a very polished style, not to everyone's taste but I think she looks amazing.
Some of the pop stars and young (and the not so young) film stars seem to have the impression that the less clothes and more jewellery and slap they wear, the better they look.
Certainly in my teenage days I wore mini skirts, hot pants, plastic jewellery(?) and the heavy eye make up of the era. The main difference was that every girl and young woman looked much the same. When I changed my style, or rather found my own, I did not blend in well.
I seem to have wandered away from the chosen path, probably because I removed the pressure from myself.
I will simply make the most of Tuesday and try to get out again next week.
I will not give up because I am sure that the day will come when I look forward to some interaction on a face to face basis.
I have planned a meal for tonight that requires milk, and of course I have none in the house. I have also moved some pots from the front of the house that need planting up.
I think that a quick trip to Lidl will supply me with milk and some coloured primroses. Perhaps the more that I brighten up my surroundings the brighter I will become.
I am in my kitchen with door and window wide open and can hear the glorious sounds of birds twittering away and children playing with the odd dog bark thrown in.
I will finish my tea and whizz off out, it should not take more than 45 minutes all told and I will be back in the garden again.
Thank you for listening, it does help to have this platform to rant, moan and clear our minds upon.
I love to meet new people but we seldom go out with others or keep in touch with people we meet on holiday. I try groups eg U3A on my own so that there is no expectation that I will go back if I don’t like it. I think that’s why we have always liked caravanning and now motorhoming as you are not trapped with others and can move at will. We went on a river cruise two years ago and my husband hated every single moment of it. If I met you when we were in Wales, I would enjoy a chat because I know we both have a passion for making lovely things. You are not alone in your reluctance to socialsise so please feel free to voice your feelings-empathy is flowing from my every pore.ReplyDelete
One step at a time Pam, try again next week. I like my own company too and am not always as sociable as I should be. We have quite a wind so although I have been for a good work it is not suitable for working outdoors yet.ReplyDelete
I think,generally,as we get older we become more anxious.I thought it was just me but the more I mention it to other people they agree.We were having coffee this morning with friends and I brought it up.P said “whew” I thought it was just me.You have 200 plus followers on here.I only have 100!Go on Tuesday and enjoy.Little steps.ReplyDelete
I'm not a great visitor of other people either. Comes from all the years of being dragged around to visit Great Aunts and having to sit still bored! And am totally with you at not being fazed with people I don't know at all while hesitating over people I do know. Oh well, we can only be ourselvesReplyDelete
I'm the same! The more I stay at home pottering, etc, the less I want to venture out! Once I'm through the front gate, I feel I'm in my own little world - with the birds, rabbits, cat etc. Husband knows what I'm like and fortunately he's a bit of a home bird too.ReplyDelete
My younger days were totally the opposite!! I am due to start a little job soon (after 5 years of no working outside the home) - I really don't know if I can do it!! The benefits the extra money would bring don't outweigh the benefits that working from home brings me - plus I would have to see and talk to people daily!!!!!
I'm not a social person, I love being at home, so I understand your post. Not everyone needs huge number of friends.ReplyDelete
I don't think there is anything wrong in not wanting to be socialising.ReplyDelete
I am like it myself, I often think I would like to join some kind of group but know in my heart I would hate it. Like you I prefer to make contact through the computer. I have to meet my Grandson's new girlfriend tomorrow and frankly I'm dreading it, I hate making small talk and hope she is a talker. lol
You are not alone. I'm okay when I get wherever I'm going, but I avoid going at all if I can help it!ReplyDelete
It seems like 'Birds of a Feather' here because we all seem to feel the same. DH wants to go out every day-usually to go to the mall to get his steps in-but I would love to stay home every day!ReplyDelete
I thought it was just me! Thanks for posting this.ReplyDelete
I'm pretty much the same too Pam. I don't like having visitors nor do I like visiting unless it's very close family.ReplyDelete
Home is the place for me.
I am an introvert and would much rather have myself as company. I know where you are coming from.ReplyDelete
Same here too, but I do like to meet with a few regular friends each week at the community centre for knitting group and the book group I run.... safe there as they all know me and understand when i'm not feeling so chatty.ReplyDelete
Love you Pam x and love reading your ramblings xxReplyDelete