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Sunday 24 February 2019

A hot water bottle for the soul..

The Colonel,s Lady and Judy O'Grady are sisters under the skin.
I seem to recall that, although this is the end of  Kipling poem, it appeared in a music hall song but with the name Molly.
I could be completely wrong here, memory plays tricks upon us all, cue Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold singing I remember it well in Gigi.

It seems that so very many of us are home bodies, completely happy in our close circle of family and a few real friends.

I have always said that people who retire and move hundreds of miles from home were foolish as their "support network" was gone.
Then, of course, I did just that. Moving from the edge of the East Coast to very close to the edge of the West Coast. In my defence I did it partly to be nearer to James and his family, at that time he did need quite a bit of support, and partly to shake off the sorrow of 2004. 
Luckily it all worked out well. I have a close group of friends and neighbours and we interact almost daily.
I have all of you, and many more that I read on an as and when basis.

It is only since my fall and subsequent dental issues that I have started to become reclusive. The heart issues had their effect as well so I suppose that I could attribute it to the Domino Effect.
The heart thing meant that my socialising in real life was severely curtailed, driving was out for a while, and walking was short and slow.
I started to get out and about and then the accident meant that I was back and forth for treatment, all of it very painful. in the midst of that the dental surgeon stabbed his finger while it was in my mouth.
Blood tests, almost an armful (Tony Hancock was brilliant) and the ensuing worry while I waited for results knocked me back.

I was assured that I was a very low risk. Boy oh boy, I wasn't worried about my blood, it was the thought of what may be in his that made my skin creep.

I think that was the kicker, nothing to do with the gaps in my toothline, (well buildings have skylines) I am not vain, just scared stiff of the dentist and his implements of torture.

Do you know, I think that is the only thing that I am scared of!

In my days as a Publican I was "on display" every day, before that I did a quite a bit of Barmaid work, and loved every moment of it. My kitchen door had a large glass panel so that my customers could see me and me them. 

My work in the Deli Factory was again face to face with loads of people, many regular but many agency workers who changed like the wind.
Again, I loved it. The constant ebb and flow of faces made the job so much easier to enjoy. I retired almost reluctantly, it was only my desire to increase my crafting time that made it happen.

Now I sometimes wonder if I almost "burnt out" on the social side. Looking back over the years I realise that we were a very social family. My childhood home was always bursting at the seams with extended family and we were encouraged to have friends around.
I took that with me when I had my own home and my son was even more outgoing. At weekends there was almost a revolving door, more coming in than going out though, and there was no such thing as a quiet night in.

When we decided to have a Barbecue, the entire street would turn up. All bearing food and drink and there was an ad hoc rota for cooking. It was so busy that the local pub closed and the landlord and his wife would come, as they said, all their customers were at our house so they may as well join in.

I think that I have partied, talked, laughed, and met enough new people for a handful of lifetimes. For several years my Christmas card list was well over 300 and I was posting birthday cards almost every day.
Sunday lunch would mean 20-30 people to feed, then there would be many weeks when we were eating somewhere else. Now I am happy to cook for just us, with a meal for W every few days.

I must have had a personal energy Well somewhere, I was never tired and was always busy. all this alongside working quite long hours. 

Of course, with so many of us feeling alike, it may just be a reaction to the hustle and bustle of modern living. I see people rushing hither and tither and smile and think, that was me until I moved here. That warm glow of smug satisfaction is long lasting and very real, almost a hot water bottle for the soul. 

Strike that, it is a very real Hot Water Bottle for my soul. 

I may have left a busy life behind along with friends and family. I came out the winner though.
In exchange I have a slow paced life, full of time to look around me at this glorious country. Time to stop and smell the roses, as well as growing them. 
Then there is the creme de la creme,  lots and lots of crafting time.

On that positive note I am off to get the kettle on, even that has slowed as I threw the ultra fast electric one and have an old fashioned whistling one for the gas hob. That is a real blast from the past, although ours was huge and sat on a range top not a gas hob.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, where ever you may be. Keep warm or cool as needed and be happy in your own skin.
My skin fits me like a glove, hand knitted of course.

                        TTFN                                     Pam

25 comments:

  1. That last sentence really impacted - almost like a blow but that's too unfriendly a comparison. It really hit home and I am so glad you're in that place now.
    If it isn't broken now, don't try to mend it.
    With love. xxx

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    1. Oh Joy, it was meant as a little light relief, hand knitted gloves can fit fine in spots and be a bit tight or loose in others. I am happy to be me, wrinkles and all.

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  2. I too had a busy life - really up until the kids flew the nest. On our cul de sac, we were the family who always had a bonfire/birthday parties at home etc. Our garden was always full of children in the school holidays (as I wouldn't let mine play on the street). As we had a people carrier, we were always the taxi service. I think these sort of things have made me appreciate the quiet life.

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    1. I have lived most of my life in the middle of a whirl of people and the noise that brings with it. I loved it then but like it much quieter and calmer now.

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  3. Thank you Pam- I had a little weep when I read through this today. You are coping in whichever way you can, and at the moment that means staying close to home. Glad you have the SO and four legged friends to help and support you. X

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    1. Here, have a tissue, sorry about that. It was not meant to have that result. I was just writing as I see it through my eyes, myopic ones at that, not to mention the cataracts. I have always loved my life, even through the rough patches. It made me appreciate the good times so much more. I am happy in my little corner of Wales, I just feel that I am not quite complete right now, but it will come.

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  4. I found your post very thought provoking. I too am quite happy in our nest, crafting gardening and hearing about others lives through their blogs. Large gatherings now make me jittery and I find more often or not I’m just not interested. Fortunately my DB feels the same. Is this something that happens naturally or does it ebb and flow? X

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    1. I think that after reading so many comments that it must be a natural progression. Most of us had siblings and then our own children and their friends. Many of us worked at the same time as raising a family and running a home. When the time arrives to take a step back, away from the constant pressure that family life brings, I think that we must be programmed to rest.

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  5. I read your blog every day but rarely comment, but that last phrase says it all. I’m lucky enough to have several good friends (the sort you could ring up in the middle of the night if you needed help) and many less close friends whom I see occasionally. I live alone and my family aren’t nearby so friends are very important - but more and more, I’d prefer to be at home knitting with the cat ion my lap than out socialising. We find what works for us, it takes courage to say ‘no thank you’ sometimes but like you, I feel I’m in the place I am meant to be. Good for you - it’s a life many would envy

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    1. Thank you for reading, as we grow into ourselves I am sure that we need less and less coming in from outside. Once we reach that sweet spot we can pick and chose how to spend our time and with whom.

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  6. I completely understand your story Pam. I think pain, medical issues and just plain fatigue as we get older affect our ability to tolerate being away from home. As for me I work so much and drive so much during the week I just want to be home all weekend. Really I am such a bore but it helps me tolerate the upcoming week.

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    1. It is strange but when I was working I did the most socialising. There was always something on at the weekends or we had a houseful. Now that I have all the time in the world I just want to stay home.

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  7. A similar story to my own. After leading such an hectic life it was nice to move, downsize our house and live life slowly surrounded by beauty. Not to everyone's taste, but it suits us. e are blessed with good neighbours and live in a community that help each other.

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    1. I love the slower pace of life here, it does help that the majority of my neighbours, also my friends, are in the same age group. Most of us had busy work lives and we all seem to cling to home.

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  8. I've definitely changed over the years, I like nothing more than being at home these days, and I love having my family with me. I think when you've had it busy, you eventually appreciate the time you get to do your own thing.

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    1. Now that I have the time to do whatever that I wish I find that I do not wish to do very much at all.

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  9. Hi Pam
    I read your blog each day and I feel you are a friend often feeling the same as me My husband is a retired consultant radiologist working at the Royal Free in London and his Harley Street practice which I helped him with seeing a variety of people some well known. It was a busy life.I am happy in our home now here in Lancashire, with hubby and Alfie and being near my daughter, SIL and Grandson. My other son lives in The Hague, my daughter is my best friend.Take care Pam you are a valued lady.

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    1. I think that my/our generation were among the first women to chose to work. The 2 car couple was getting to be the norm and we had the chance to have a career instead of a job. All of this must have taken it,s toll upon us. One of my friends was in high level banking and says that if she never visits a city bank again it will be perfect.

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  10. Ditto to most of the comments above.
    Sometimes its hard to adjust to a more slow life but we have managed to and are now in our little routine and happy, that's not to say it was easy to get here, we still hankered after what we had in the past until we learnt to let go.
    Briony
    x

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    1. I look at the past with fond feelings but have no desire to go there again. I have moved on, my tastes have changed and I feel that at long last I have grown up. I can easily turn down an invitation with no excuse but the fact that I just do not want to take part.

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  11. The shock of what happened to you and the subsequent dental issues turned your life upside down and it certainly makes you question things when you have time to sit and think.
    For me, the diagnosis of a very rare disease and the weekly chemo meds and daily steroids take their toll both physically and mentally. A lot of people I thought were friends have not been near nor by since, some family too..... its hard to process some thoughts and feelings and you have to let them evolve at their own pace.
    Sending love to you Pam. you are a very wise lady and often brighten my day more than you could ever know with just a line her on the blog
    Much love x

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    1. Thank you Julie, once I sit down and get my fingers over the key board the words just flow as they wish. I hope that you are making progress with your condition.

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  12. To tell you the truth today I was just thinking I would like to run away to a cabin by a lake or up in the Rockies. Just me, Harvey and the cat. The only people I would tell would be our sons so they could come for a visit. The world seems to be on a mad rush and getting no where very fast.

    Glad to know you have found the place you are happiest.

    God bless.

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    1. The Rockies, definitely. I love the mountains but flat expanses of water make me feel the damp. Even when there is none.

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  13. I have found my happy place at last. I am comfortable in my skin and don't feel I need to impress anyone or earn pots of money. My style is my own... a mix of charity shop and ebay and it suits me fine. I have a small group of good friends and a wider group of acquaintances. Life is good when we step off the hamster wheel.

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